Tuesday, 26 April 2011

MOVING OUT!

Ne pare rau, ne'am mutat pe http://schnitzhell.wordpress.com/ :) Cya there

Salvati ursii Koala ca sa avem si noi ce gati diseara.

Tot trecand prin viata asta, in paralel cu ea, ofc, realizez pe masura ce inaintez ca sunt foarte atipic in ceea ce priveste conceptiile.
Ce vreau sa spun cu asta? Simplu, ca nu mananc rahat. Nu sunt naiv, not anymore at least si pot sa diferentiez albul de negru, hartia de guma si mama unui prieten de o vaca, deci...stai, mi-am pierdut sirul gandurilor.
Acestea fiind zice, sa trecem la un lucru care ma deranjaza din ce in ce mai mult in societatea de azi este...nu stiu...presupun ca e fraierimea si ipocrizia idiotilor astora. Valorile care sunt promovate in ziua de azi nu...nici macar nu e vorba de asta, pentru ca metodele si lucrurile pe care la apreciaza oamenii respectivi se bat cap in cap exact cu valorile pe care striga raspicat ca cica le-ar promova. I mean, ffs, serios? Am ajuns sa ne violam fratii mai mici pentru diplome de pedagogie. In pizda masii de treaba, deja mi s-a acrit sa tot aud de societate si de cum modul in care suntem noi e gresit si despre cum trebuie sa ne purtam si sa FIM. Exact, TREBUIE sa FIM intr-un ANUMIT MOD care sa CONVINA ALTORA, ca sa fim acceptati. Si dupa ce te pliezi, ca de, doar nu ai ce altceva sa faci ( vrei sa mergi la faculta, ce plm ), ti se vorbeste despre LIBERTATE, despre cum TU faci diferenta, despre cum TU ALEGI CE VREI SA FII.
Asta pe mine ma scarbeste, falsul ascuns sub o prezentare frumoasa si minciuna despre viitor. Un balos tocilar la costum si o prezentare in power point decenta sunt de ajuns sa convinga 50 de copii sa isi piarda 100 de ore din viata pentru o diploma de rahat, cu convingerea ca intr-o buna zi, copii aia vor sta in fata unui birou inalt al unui director mucos din UK si acela va spune "Hmm, competente in protejarea mediului, voluntariat, participarea la diverse proiecte de aducere a cretei in scoli. Foarte frumos domnule, dar...aceasta e o facultate de management serioasa, valea! La Spiru cu tine, fagotule".
Oricum, esti prost, tu, elev din ziua de azi. Tu crezi in orice cacat care iti e aruncat in fata si ti se spune ca daca il mananci , pe undeva pe acolo, e o diploma care o sa te ajute sa devii o femeie de servici mai buna. Sincer, prefer sa fiu ala care se caca. Adica, ok, insist pe chestia asta cu diplomele si va spun si de ce:
Nu e vorba ca ma iau neaparat de oamenii care nu se uda daca nu au diplome, pe mine ma dezgusta javrele care spala creiere si care ne fura noua din timp si din ceea ce avem noi mai frumos, copilaria si libertatea care vine la pachet.
Sunt o gramada de chestii, la fiecare colt de strada "vino si ia cursul X""vino aici si ajuta-ne sa salvam, banii ii bagam la noi in buzunar, ca stim ce sa facem cu ei" "fa diferenta! primesti diploma! Nu, nu o facem pentru publicitate sau pentru interesul nostru"
Eu in chestiile de genu'asta ma fut! Si eu particip la proiecte and stuff, dar numai la alea care sunt interesante. Si mie nu vad sa'mi dea cineva vreo diploma ca 2 saptamani am stat 12 ore la liceu pentru teatru.
Deci, oamenii in costum ma pot suge cu pasiune, si adeptii lor la fel.
Insa, cei mai cretini nu sunt neaparat muierile alea in pardesiu, ci mai mult adeptii lor inflacarati, spalati pe creier. Deci, e ca pe vremea comunismului, cu pusti care sunt decorati de catre partid pentru servialitate ( CA PENTRU ASTA SUNTENTI DECORATI IDIOTI, IMBECILI, FARA CREIER CE SUNTETI, NU PENTRU CA SUNTETI IMPORTANTI SAU MAI BUNI SAU PENTRU CA FACETI CEVA PENTRU VOI, CI PENTRU CA SUNTENTI SCLAVII IPOCRITI AI UNOR PARTARI) si care, apoi imi fac mie, MIE , morala si imi spun EI CUM AR TREBUI SA MA COMPORT. Sa va futa Terente bai flegmelor. Cand voi o sa fiti secretare care sug pula ca sa primeasca o marire, eu o sa ies la bere cu seful vostru, fute'm'as in ea de societate si in ce monstrii creaza.
Va pierdeti, dati totul pentru o lauda si o diploma. Bine zicea Teo intr-un stand up ca "la scoala intri ca de plastelina si astia te modeleaza sub forma unui cacat. Iesi tot un cacat, dar ai diploma. Felicitari, esti un cacat cu diploma"
Si cum isi iau ei atractiile si le aduc la vedere, targul educatiei, sa mori tu? Presupun ca trebuie sa fii un candidat informat inainte de a deveni un somer educat, nu?
Oricum, voi salvati ursi koala ca sa ii gateasca sefii voluntariatului. Exact asta faceti. Vreti sa faceti ceva pentru voi? Interesati-va pe bune cu ce se mananca lumea asta, nu va mai hraniti cu iluzii aiurea, cu minciuni, nu va mai abandonati de voi insiva pentru altii si pentru un viitor pe care oricum nu il veti avea.
Cum obtine omul ceea ce isi doreste? Stand mereu pe calea lui, fiind mereu asa cum vrea el, luptand pentru un tel, lupta in stilul lui, nu pupa in cur, nu se schimba pentru altii.
Toti uita de unde au plecat si ceea ce candva era o persoana calda, cu viata si interesanta acum devine un stresat, ingamfat, superior care crede ca face ceea ce trebuie.
Societate, eu, Ionie, ma pis pe tine. De ce? Pentru ca pe mine nu ma vei atinge niciodata. Ma voi duce la un targ adevarat, voi lua de acolo o vaca ( stanley o s'o cheme) si o voi duce la targul educatiei, sa o pregatesc de lume.

Si pentru dependentii de diplome, recomand, nu...VA OBLIG sa vedeti acest classic, aceasta scena din Vrajitorul din Oz, unul dintre filmele mele preferate, enjoy.

CLICK AICI

Friday, 22 April 2011

Ce inseamna " a recunoaste"

Cateodata e greu sa recunosti un lucru. Parca efectiv te deranjaza atat de mult adevarul despre tine incat te afunzi in negare si tare greu iesi de acolo. E o experienta de care am fost strain pana azi... niciodata nu m'am simtit atat de descoperit, atat de vizibil, pana si pentru proprii ochi.
Ok, deci, sa zicem ca m'am privit si eu o data si m'am vazut asa cum sunt, doar eu si atat... mi'am vazut partile bune, pe care le apreciez si pe care le ridic in slavi and shit, dar mi'am vazut si...o parte mai putin buna, dar nu mai putin adevarata decat prima. Pe masura ce vorbeam, auzindu-ma si nu prea, crezand in ceea ce spun si nu prea, constientizand si nu prea, incet, incet , mi'am dat seama ca...gresesc.
E mult spus " mi-am dat seama", ci mai degrava " mi s-a aratat" ca gresesc.
Oricum, ajungand in punctul in care deja incepusem sa'mi dau seama ca gresesc, am ales sa neg, sa ma protejez intr-un fel, cred...
Sau poate voiam sa fiu perfect, perfect pentru cine? Nimeni nu e perfect si oricine stie asta... eu de ce incerc sa fiu, cand defectele imi sunt vizibile, cand practic sunt citit si inteles pe deplin...de ce sa ma ascund si sa spun ca nu gresesc, cand era clar inclusiv pentru mine ca asa era...
Pentru ca nu am vrut sa recunosc ca am facut o mare tampenie si ca nu am gandit ok, nu am spus nimic ok, nu am fost ok...nu am fost eu.
Ah, mi'a fost greu sa recunosc...pur si simplu pentru ca imi era al naibii de rusine de mine, dar, in the end, am fost sincer. 100% si desi m'am simtit prost, foarte prost, pentru ceea ce facusem, m'am simtit si bine pentru ca...pur si simplu am spus un lucru, m'am dezvaluit mai mult, am aratat o parte mai neagra a mea, fara sa mai incerc ( aiurea ) sa o tin ascunsa.
Acum, singurul lucru care ma macina e vina, atata tot, in rest, pot sa zic ca sunt destul de ok, cu toate ca, imi e un pic teama sa nu fi facut prea mult rau si sa nu se intample ceva rau ( dar asta e doar negativistul de mine)
Ma intreb daca ceea ce s'a intamplat a fost o dovada ca nu sunt deloc un om grozav, sau daca a fost pur si simplu o gresala idioata a unui om grozav pe jumatate, o jumatate separata.
Daca am putut sa recunosc ca exista anumite rele in mine, atunci pot recunoaste si ca lucrurile bune din mine, nu ma privesc in totalitate si nu am nici o putere asupra lor.
Ba mai mult, vorbind de influente asupra unei persoane, daca influenta respectiva e reciproca se considera tot influenta? Sau e doar... nu stiu
Si... ca sa postez si un mic fragment din ceva ce inca nu am terminat de scris ( care nu va fi o viitoare postare)
" Imi dau seama cum e sa traiesti pe jumatate. Imi dau seama cum e sa te trezesti dimineata intr-un pat fara scop, pe jumatate adormit, cu o jumatate de cafea bauta, cu o jumatate de raza de soare, cu o jumatate de "tu" care are un scop, o jumatate de " tu" care doarme si o jumatate de "tu" care nu exista. Imi dau seama cum e sa traietsi pe jumatate, daca esti suparat, pe sfert, iar daca plangi...inseamna ca ori nu traiesti deloc, ori traiesti complet. Jumatate din mine, care in timp ce scrie, realizeaza cat de putina si incompleta e, in sevrajul ei continuu dupa cealalta.O jumatate de "eu" care, de cand si'a cunoscut cea dulce adictie , e mai completa decat am fost "eu" vreodata."


Oricum, este 7 dimineata, am vazut 2 filme horror, am terminat un chicken invaders, am baut 2 cafelute si...as mai vrea sa scriu, dar...eh, nu mai e cazul.

PS: Nu, postul nu este despre vreo preferinta sexuala ascunsa ( pentru intrebari gen Papy).

Monday, 11 April 2011

The orange tree

This will be a full english post, that took a while to prefect, mainly because it's an aberation, made by an obscure man; A random tought that passed trough my mind one day and I said to myself "this shit is worth writing, at least for my sense of self-acomplishment, even tough, it's just some bullshit philosohpy"

When i was a little hungry, I went into the kitchen and wanted something to eat. I've stumbled upon an orange. A mere orange. A simple thing. It was nice, orangeish and had a good taste. I enjoyed it very much, given that it was delicious and also easy to peel off.
I spent 2 minutes just thinking about that stupid orange. I pictured all the things I was thinking about at that point and linked them to the orange I had just eaten.
I said to myslef "life just sort of is like an orange...like and orange tree".
I imediatly imagined an orange tree. What was i focusing on? The oranges. I imagined the tree for a couple of minutes and then I started noticing the leaves and the body of the tree. I said to myself "boy, those oranges whouldn't have grown if it wasn't for the rest of the tree...and yet, I only see the fruit, the thing that gives me an advantage. The thing on the surface, the thing that is just the outside result of a more grandous work.
I then made a connection with the people...the people that inhabit this world...or, should I say...society?.
There are so many kinds of them...but, wich one is more likeable.
There are of course, the people who buy the oranges and eat them, not ever thinking about the orange tree, just simply eating the oranges in their comfy chairs, without any worry whatsoever, careless and limited in the perspective of life; A simple glimpse of bland normality in this world.
There are the people who sell the oranges, traders that care nothing about anyone but thenselves and would do anything just to sell an orange. They don't even know how an orange tree looks like, they don't even know who are they selling the oranges to. They are simply individualist connectors between the orange tree and the couch people. They are selfish, but profitable, black holes on this world, ready to suck in anything that should ever come in their way. They are not blind, they just don't want to see.
Another type is the orange gatherer, who picks the oranges and delivers them to the traders. A gatherer is an unacomplished nobody, wich no one cares about ( maybe his family does, but still, to few people). He fails to see the orange tree, focusing on the fruit, clinging his life to a simple harvest of oranges. He can't see the orange tree, because his eyes can't afford it. He is a lost one and he lives only for others. Because of him others have profit and because of him, he himself only has survival. He spends his life near countless orange trees and still fails to see any of them.
At last, there is the gardner, the man who makes the wheel spin, the man who everyone owes everything to. He plants the tree, he watches it as it grows. He loves it, he dedicates himself to it. Not because of the others, not because it's his only way of survival, he could've been a gatherer if he'd liked to, and yet he chosed to be a gardned. He is the one who notices everything...the tree, the oranges, the gatherer, the salesman, the couch fattys , everything, knowing that even tough he sees it all, nobody will ever see him, think about him, aprreciate or repay him in any way. He is the root of the orange tree, that only the orange tree can see.
He makes it all possible, recieves nothing and...still, we don't know why he does it.
Nobody knows why...it's not because of survival, it's not because of greed, it's not carelesness...but then, what is it?

I would like to think it's just because he likes the orange tree...

Friday, 1 April 2011

Knwoledge...

Ok, so this is the song in wich i've put everything i had, if it's good or not, you decide. It will be 10 mins long.

Silence gets so loud sometimes
Inner voices fill the void
Could I know the reason why
Life just stalmates in the cold

Waging war against myself
A fight no man can win
I am lost between the depths
Of a dark and souless dream

Of a loud, yet unheard scream
Pillar against i cannot lean
And the trip, so i begin

Murederous thinking
The shores of a mind
Supposition's been linking
With the truth that's left behinf

Afraid of the huge void
Uncertainty's caused
The smile it destroyed
And time it has paused

Oh, whatever might happen
Oh, whatever might be
Whatever might happen
We'll never see
Trough anyone else's eyes

Chorus
But if I had the knowledge
Answers layed in front of me
If I had the knowledge
Truth be all that i can see
If I had the knowledge
I could pretend i am blind
If I had the knowledge
I would find my peace of mind
If I had the knowledge
Fear would be just a key
To the truth that lies eternaly
Knowledge come to me



Oh, why this condemnment
Why all this fear
Why this entraptment
Why can't you hear?

The vision is deadly
Imagination's the same
A world so unfriendly
And no one to blame

Yet my mind is flying
To another land
Yet my fire's dying
My life's in her hand

chorus



But her hand's so far away
A second's enormous
Still, i will not say
I can't feel the bond between us

Moments are changing
Tears over smiles
The day has been aging
For reason it calls

And they keep on talking
I don't hear a word
Forth i keep walking
A vision without lord

chorus


Riding on the caravan ofpleasure and decay
Depravation,segregation i chose not to stay
Took my soul, took my dream, threw it all away
And the nightmare comes to life, fear swallowing me

Just an image, a projection of a paranoid brain
An invention, or a scenary that will never be
All the moments and the memories can't go down the drain
It's a fake, it's paranoy, it's a madman's fantasy

But what if it's not?
But what if it is?
But what if it's not?
Oh, please god make it stop!

G: I've heard you were calling
I've heard you were hurt
I'm here for you darling
Rise up from the dirt!

B: What miscief is this?
How could you be here?
The taste of your kiss
I still cannot feel

G: the answer's at hand

B: You're far from this land

G: My heart has not left

B: But your body did so

G: I know you don't know

B: If you're friend or foe

G: Just look inside

B: there's nothing inside, i'm alone in misery

G: don't you cry and just trust me, what you fear will never be

B: I would dare to hold you, but you are the rose

G: Don't cry 'cos your tears will poison my thorns

B: I tought you were lost without trace
See me crying with a smile on my face

G: Forget all the sorrow, forget all the pain
No one will love you the same
As I do now...

------

Her words are a cure
And I know for sure
I couldn't endure
This world's despair

Without her...

She gives me a shelter
She gives me a name
Our dream will not falter
And I will see her again

Time is a mennance
When it passes so slow
And it's just a pennance
Both: For the moments in wich we glow

I give her my trust
I give her my life
No future, no past
Both: Just the present, in wich we will dive

I would walk trough fire
I would fight the flame
To fufill my desire
Both: To be reunited again

The moment is now
The moment is real
In front of this magic I bow
Both: Love, be all we can feel

Both: Forevermore!.